A Legacy in Denial!
I lost my childhood on the day that I was born because of the stigma that was attached to mental disorders in the past. There was simply no help for the caregivers (of young babies and children) who were out of control, due to mental illness such as depression, schizophrenia, MPD/DID and other disorders of the mind. So therefore domestic violence and child abuse was the secret that has destroyed this nation.
Throughout history there was no hope for the families who were living in abusive environments. The children had to suffer silently as the parents raged through their dysfunctional mental states that have in turn produced a legacy that has been passed down through the ages from dysfunctional generation to dysfunctional generation. But it does not have to be that way anymore.
As adults, we need to be responsible for our actions. However mental illness (and disorders) do not allow us that control because of the turmoil within minds.
Until we begin to break down these walls of ignorance, and allow mental health to be an accepted, vital part of the body's health, then the majority of victims will remain hidden for life and this legacy will continue to erode our country.
Emotional and mental abuse hurts just as bad as physical abuse but the mental pain lingers forever. Our wounds will mend on the surface but the hidden scars go deep down inside and are much more painful in the long run.
I believe that until the adults are made aware of the damage done to them and educated by society of the damage that they could possibly be causing to our next generation that this legacy will carry on.
I must say at this point that not all survivors of domestic violence and child abuse become violent and abuse their own children. But certainly not all violent adults are survivors of domestic violence or child abuse either.
I do not consider an abuser that has any form of mental illness or disorder to be totally innocent either. Even though they may have been victimized in the past and may even have a mental disorder of some kind, we cannot hide behind these labels.
If we know that we are ill, then we must seek help but if we do not know that we are ill then we need the guidance of society to educate us and guide us in the right direction.
We should be as informed of the causes and reality of domestic violence and child abuse as we are now of heart disease, cancer and HIV just to name a few.
We need to help each other to regain the dignity and respect that has been denied us our entire lives. Then and only then will more abusers seek out the help that they need before more damage is done to the innocent children that reside in our homes and communities.
Help is available, but you must be willing to stop your abusive behavior, admit that you need help and be willing to face the consequences.
To find the domestic violence program nearest you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline!
Child Abuse
Child Abuse!
Cases of suspected child abuse must be reported immediately to your local authorities. If you are an abusive perpetrator please seek help now before it's too late. These are just a few of the types of abuse that are all damaging to the Child's mental, emotional and physical health and well being!
1. Physical abuse is by far the most dangerous type since a blow to the head or the vital organs could be fatal.
2. Sexual abuse has nothing to do with the sex act, but for the control that the perpetrator has over the child.
3. Mental abuse can consist of many different forms including, verbally attacking the child with harsh negative words, threats of abandonment, or accusations of worthlessness in the child. These are only a few examples that will inevitably cause poor self-esteem and render the child helpless in a society where strength in character is a growing demand in order to succeed and even to survive in certain cases.
4. Emotional abuse can most always be detected in a child who exhibits symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Emotional abuse plays on the child's stress level as the adult in question may play demented games to frighten the child, yelling or exhibiting irate behavior in front of the child either voluntary or not (meaning that the adult may not be able to control his/her behavior).
5. Spiritual abuse can be very damaging to the self-esteem when we are subjected to any type of negative stimuli, our spirits (our livelihood, our humanness, our ability to trust and love ourselves and others and to nurture our own needs) becomes tarnished and our spirits are striped away.
Any one of the above or a combination of two or more is abusive behavior. And any one of the abuses could and probably will cause stress, anxiety, PTSD, panic disorders and depression "at the least," which is in itself a mental disorder causing a multitude of physical and emotional problems.
But there is help available! There is no shame in asking for help. I know this too well because not only was I a victim but I was also an abuser! Probably like you I can say that I did not physically harm my child. There were no bruises and no broken bones. But the abuse that my child had sustained was emotional, causing him to become a very nervous child.
Free the Shame of mental discomforts!
There is no shame in asking for help, the shame is when you need help and cannot ask for it for fear of social outcast and abandonment!
Our entire being depends solely upon our minds! If it weren't for our mind to send signals to our body when we're exposed to extremely hot temperatures for instance, then we could virtually disintegrate into ashes. And how could we walk, talk, eat and breathe if this magnificent brain failed to send the correct signals?
But indeed this same mind does have the capability to send wrong information if it is not feeling well, therefore at these times it cannot operate properly. Our bodies tend to suffer with stomach ulcers, heart disease, headaches and neck and shoulder pains, partly due to the condition of poor mental health when our minds are stressed out and ill.
"Poor mental health" are the words that I choose to use because that is exactly what the majority of our average physical discomforts originate from. And in fact we all have bouts of poor mental health during times of grief like losing a loved one, which sometimes results in poor physical health. An argument with someone we deeply care about might cause us to become sad, lose our appetite, experience a heavy beating in our chest and cause us to have headaches and other physical pains. Think of it as a "mental viral domino effect"!
And example of how this domino effect is triggered is negative intake such as an employment rejection. This may be the third application that you've submitted, only to be rejected again. The bills are piling up while the funds are dwindling down. You're facing foreclosure on your home soon and you see no light at the end of the tunnel and chances are good that you've already fallen into a deep depression. This depression may cause fatigue, a loss of appetite and sleeping too much. Your nerves are on edge and every noise that your children make infuriates you and you lose your cool more quickly than you normally would.
Your body has already begun to suffer with lack of exercise, the wrong diet and different sleeping patterns and as a result of the body feeling weaker, your depression may deepen even further, making your body ill as well. And the cycle can go on and on until you think you can't handle anymore. But suddenly the phone rings and upon answering, you hear the voice of that forth employer with instructions of when to come to work.
In a matter of minutes your body begins to rejuvenate with adrenaline rushing through your veins, pumping energy that you didn't even have ten minutes ago. You're suddenly famished and as you slide out of your grunges and prepare to go out on the town to celebrate, the kids are even welcomed into the room to cheer for your success. What happened? You did nothing physically different but you feel so much better!
Ah it was your mind that got the healing power! We all experience poor mental health at different times of our lives so remember that you have nothing to be ashamed of when your mind needs a healthy dose of TLC. The shame is that you suffer alone in silence with major mental discomforts because of the stigma that has been placed on our mental well-being by our society.
Why would we brand such a marvelous, important part of our body as taboo when it's ill, when we should really be nurturing this troubled mind back to health? But have no fear, there is help available for those who are suffering with confusion, depression and other mental discomforts and feel that there is no way out of a life in torment.
There are ways of fighting back when we feel at a loss. Exercise is a very good way to help ease depression, along with plenty of exposure to light, aroma therapy and adjusting your surroundings. I believe that these are the first steps that should be taken when we start to feel down and depressed.
However at other times our mental health is so ill that we may need professional help! We sometimes live with issues that are deeply implanted in our subconscious that we simply cannot get in contact with by ourselves. The mental health field is designed to explore the mind and help you determine what issues you may be dealing with that causes you to feel so poorly.
A psychotherapist's job is to be your sounding board where you can voice your concerns and unload the secrets that you've had bottled up inside for years. And because your mind may even be reacting to physical issues as well! This is where your medical physician comes into play.
Remember that our physical body and our mind are united and when one or the other is suffering in pain (whether that is physical, mental or emotional) then it will inevitably affect the other. The stigma that is attached to mental discomforts has branded the professional psychological community almost as weird scientists but that simply is not the case.
Please do not wait too long if your own remedies fail to work. Our doctors are trained to help us talk out our problems; and let's face it, we all feel better when we get something off our chest and in therapy that's exactly what we do. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed to mention your mental discomforts to your regular physician, just as you would any physical complaints because your state of mind could very well be the cause of your physical illness or at least it could be the root of the problem.
Remember if we lose our right hand, our mind can train our left to function quite well. But if we lose our mind then both hands become useless!