Examining the many parts of one whole memory
and how each part can be experienced alone!

I have broken down the different parts that make up one whole single memory, so I will refer to each individual aspect of a memory as a "Part." This is not rocket science and does not come out of a textbook, however this is my own description of the ways that our systems operate, (both multiple and non-multiples).

I have never heard any one else describe some of these parts of memory before, but I think that it's important for non-multiples to understand just how separated every persons mind can be.

One whole memory can be broken down into many different parts which are the five senses that we all know about, that are sight, sound, taste, smell and touch. However there are even more parts that make up a whole memory. These other parts are body, emotional and spiritual.

1. Body memory - The body part is one that remembers a physical sensation, such as pain, nausea and burning.
2. Touch memory that can only remember how something feels to the touch such as soft, hard, cold or hot.
3. Emotional memory - The emotional part feels the different emotions, like happy or sad, lonely or afraid.
4. Spiritual memory - The spiritual parts is the one that reaches way down deep into our soul, and is an experience rather than a mere feeling.
5. Hearing memory - The hearing memory is one that recognizes and remembers sounds and noises!
6. Smell memory - Of course this is the memory that gets triggered with a familiar aroma!
7. Visual memory - And this is the memory that can recall and remember sights!



Our spiritual part experiences the euphoria of an emotion, such as joy, excitement, to be in love rather than to only like, and to experience anger and fury rather than to simply be unhappy or sad. Our spiritual part is the emotional passion within us!

All of these parts work together to form one whole memory and they are all triggered by our outside world. However each part has it's own memories, for instance looking at a picture from your vacation might trigger your sight parts memory (as a familiar vision). But if none of your other parts have been triggered, (nothing from the picture seems familiar to any other part or any of your senses) then it only becomes a familiar picture instead of a whole memory of any certain place.

A good example of these different parts working separately, and then being triggered to form a whole memory could be going to a theme park. When you first arrive at the park, your emotional part (emotional memory) is triggered by your site, sound and smell parts and your emotional part remembers that it is a fun place to be and you're happy to be there. And then your body part (body memory) is triggered when your sight part is triggered by the roller coaster that you see.

And then your body part remembers actually being on the ride before, and how it felt to your body to zoom up the ramp and then down and how dizzy you may have felt at the end of the ride. And finally that spiritual part (spiritual memory) is triggered and you remember what a wonderful, exciting, joyous experience it was before. What a rush!!!

All of our parts memories can be felt or experienced alone or in conjunction with any one, two or even all of the above. However for a person who has developed the unique defense mechanism, (DID) each of these parts memories can be very much separated and felt or experienced totally on it's own and without triggering the other parts memories.



This is very confusing to a person with DID because we can feel or experience one parts memories without other parts memories being triggered, therefore we often have only one certain feeling, emotion or experience without knowing what has caused it to occur.

In fact not only are there alter personalities (sometimes referred to as parts) who can recall an entire whole (every part is included in the memory) event or episode, but there are other alter personalities whose sole purpose of existence is to only hold (recall, remember) an individual part of a whole memory.

Where one of these alter personalities might be triggered by the smell part of a fresh baked apple pie for instance, let's say that the smell might make this alter feel nausea. He/she may not be able to put the rest of the memory of this smell together since other alter personalities may hold other parts of that smell so the alter-personality in question may be confused as to why they are ill.

To carry this analogy even further, the smell of the pie could have been experienced at the home where the person lived as a child. And if the atmosphere was an unpleasant one such as violence (which can make one nervous, with a queasy stomach) then the smell parts memory of the pie could trigger the body parts memory of the how it felt to be in that kind of environment.

Now if none of the other parts are triggered, then only the smell parts memory and the body parts memory are the only two that have been triggered and would give the person an uneasy feeling or even nausea if that is what was experienced in the past without any other clue as to why they are feeling or experiencing the illness.



Another good example of this would be if you taste something new or something that you haven't eaten in a long time and the flavor seems familiar but you just can't quite figure out what it is. Well, that is your taste memory performing solo if you will.

But then if someone else taste's it and reminds you that it tasted like cotton candy, then those two little words might trigger your sound parts memory and then your other parts begin to trigger each other like a domino effect and you suddenly begin to feel and experience the memories of the sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste parts who form a total recall of the whole memory of cotton candy. And then your emotional part may be triggered by all of the other parts that recall the cotton candy that you ate at the theme park.

And then your adrenaline starts racing when your body parts memory joins in and you begin to walk down memory lane and suddenly you're mentally sitting on the roller coaster ride again, going up the ramp and then down and around and then comes the spiritual part who experiences the excitement and joy and before you know it you have a complete, whole memory. A virtual trip to the theme park but better yet, this one's on the house, it's absolutely cost free this time!



But imagine if you will, that you only can retrieve bits of this memory, which is how it works for survivors most of the time whose memories are so fragmented and isolated from one another.

This is what is so confusing for survivors! We have spent our entire lives creating a system that protects us from the bad memories (that, by the way would have inevitably caused us to literally go insane had we not been able to do this), but in doing so our minds are also programmed to dissociate and separate every other single part of each memory into shattered pieces. Even good memories are separated into pieces, and each alter part retrieves their bit of memory and remains segregated from the rest of the mind.

One must also keep in mind that a forgotten memory is never really forgotten. Our ability to recall memories that we think we have forgotten can be retrieved by anyone. Keep in mind that we simply cannot store every single event that happens in our lifetime into our conscious mind. It is possible and very likely to have a sudden recall of a memory from your past pop up at any point in your lifetime. It could be bad or good but it does not mean that you are a multiple.

One more thing here before I close out this page and your mind can take a break is that our memories are not 100% accurate as demonstrated on many talk shows that I've seen. I think it's very interesting to note that when there is a staged event (purse snatching for example) in front of a live audience and several people are asked to identify the actor, that there is a slightly different description from each eyewitness. But the absolute truth is that something did indeed happen, whether the details are completely accurate or not.

When we're subjected to trauma at any age, wouldn't it be devastating for us to have to remember the entire episode, piece by piece, day in and day out? Our minds are the most important part of our bodies, the treasure chest of our past, present and future, not only to store our memories and thoughts but also to operate every movement of our bodies, both internally and externally. But isn't it interesting that our minds are also the most mysterious as well!

By: Candy Little

Last updated on 2/02/2007

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